Your mom and dad signed up for marital counseling. But it's not what you think. It's more of a preemptive strike. A nip in the bud. A rising tide lifts all boats. Or something.
That said, your mom and dad are (actually) concerned that their marriage is going a little too well. Their arguments are petty. Easy to get over. They're quick to apologize. They've kept it together only four years, but that (already) beats out most of their college friends. Statistics lament that half of all American marriages end in divorce. Among your mom and dad's circle, it's worse.
So your mom and dad signed up for a course, sponsored by the church, called the Marriage You've Always Wanted. It's written by Gary Chapman, a man with a Texas drawl and a sharp grandpa wit. The book cover depicts a two-seater bicycle. The course is five weeks long, takes place in the Church's "Upper Room" during the first service, and costs twenty bucks. Your mom and dad readily agreed.
If the slow-motion kicking and punching is any indication, you're filming a Tai Chi class in utero. It'd be a big seller, if your mom and dad had ultrasounds and 4-D video taken. As it stands, they figure you could use the privacy (it's gone once you're born), so the only images that exist of you are those few snapshots taken five months ago.
In one imaginative scenario, your dad pictures you bursting forth from the womb, top hat and cane in hand, dancing and singing "Hello My Baby!" like the frog from the Warner Brothers cartoon. Your dad will run to the doctors, nurses, nurses aids, and general cleaning staff. When he returns to the room, out of breath, hands on his knees, you will be calmly nestled atop your mom's chest, your breathing steady and even.
