When October 31 rolls around, your mom and dad shut the blinds, turn out the lights, crawl under a fuzzy blanket, and watch a movie -- preferably a comedy -- at a low volume. They don't do Halloween. And that makes them unpopular with other adults that do Halloween.
"So what are you dressing as, Randy?"
"Oh, no. Not me. I don't dress up for Halloween."
"What kind of candy are you giving out then?"
"Me? No, no candy from me, thanks. I'll probably just turn out the lights and -- "
"When you were younger, Randy, what did you think of those homes that turned out their lights and didn't give out candy?"
"I ... I didn't like it. But doesn't everyone just trick-or-treat at the mall nowadays anyway?"
"No. They don't."
Rarely does a conversation with your dad about Halloween fare any better than that. Your dad is the All Hallow's Eve equivalent of Ebeneezer Scrooge. He suspects, however, that a lady bug or princess dress will be in his near future. He doesn't suspect that you'll allow the entire dress-up spectacle -- an entire holiday dedicated to dress-up! -- will escape your attention and affections.
And so your mom and dad gird themselves for the inevitable. They have approximately one year to steel their will against the living taking on the vestments of the undead. And straightening their spines against all the other parents that believe Halloween and all its accoutrement is only about lady bugs and princesses, and no more harmful than a sugary toothache.
