Your dad uncapped the Preserve Jr. Endangered Species soft-bristled toothbrush. A grinning Galapagos tortoise (Chelonoidis nigris) wraps around the toothbrush holder. "Did you know?" the toothbrush holder asks, "Giant Galapagos tortoises have a life span between 150 and 200 years."
That's how long it feels like your mom and dad have avoided the dentist.
But coupling the green USA-made toothbrush ("Both brush and canister are 100% recyclable with our postage-paid mailer. Please inquire.") with a giraffe-adorned tube of Kid's Spry Tooth Gel with Xylitol, your mom and dad make the responsible decision to look after your oral hygiene.
Your dad squeezes some of the Spry toothpaste -- a little too much -- onto your toothbrush. From his arm, you watch intently. He needlessly runs the gel under the tap for a moment, then scrubs your four front teeth; the two on bottom that form a wide V, and the two on top you grit them against.
You chuckle, and your dad breathes a sigh of relief. He scrubs your gums gently, too, and your tongue waggles in the way of the brush from time to time. You chuckle some more. After a few more moments of scrubbing, your dad double checks the Spry tube. "Safe To Swallow," it says.
Your dad takes you to your room, zips you into the homemade Snuggie your mom made from a Walden for Congress vest, and bundles you into a baby blanket dancing with clowns. In your crib, you smile your four teeth, freshly brushed, at your dad. He kisses his hand and smooshes it against your forehead.
